I’ve been feeling pretty messed up for close to two weeks now. Either my body isn’t making enough serotonin or my brain has just forgotten what to do with it. I thought I was getting better over the weekend, but then things took another nosedive on Monday. I think it’s a vicious cycle at this point, since the depression is interfering with both my appetite and my sleep.
Words can’t express how awful depression feels when it’s out of control. I can’t remember ever feeling this bad. The only upside is that it’s cyclical rather than constant: in between the bursts of gloom or anxiety, I’ll have lulls of 2-3 hours where I feel better. Even then, I don’t feel great, but it’s better than feeling miserable.
I really hate my faulty genes.
Anyway. I hauled myself to the doctor this morning and she’s increasing my medication. I’m not entirely thrilled with that option since the antidepressant gives me TMJ problems and the higher dose will likely make that worse, but as she said, relieving the depression is priority one, and this is probably the fastest way to do it.
So. I’ll probably be quiet here for a while, but please don’t forget about me. Comments and well-wishes are more than welcome, as are photos of Richard Armitage or Benedict Cumberbatch. Until later…
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