Category: Life

General ramblings about my life.

Not yet

the Tall Girl #

It’s probably no secret that I’ve been feeling very frustrated with life for a while now. Part of the problem is that I feel like the Universe is constantly pushing back, putting roadblocks in my way whenever it looks like I might start making progress. Either something goes wrong or there’s some delay or setback, like the world is saying “Not now; not yet. Be patient.” And I’m really, really tired of being patient. I’m not very good at it, I suppose.

Woman standing with her arms crossed says
(Not my GIF.)

There’s an old saying that good things come to those who wait, but it doesn’t feel that way. There’s always more waiting to do. And there never seem to be enough good things to justify the wait.

Still here, still trying

the Tall Girl # # # # #

So… I haven’t blogged in a while. A very long while, as it turns out. I blame depression, anxiety, health issues (both mine and family members), the world being on fire, and other problems/issues that have been sucking up my energy and generally making life very, very difficult.

Most of this I just can’t talk about. At least, not right now. The work stuff and one of the personal situations I doubt I’ll ever talk about online — work because it’s not appropriate, and personal because that situation isn’t something I want to talk about publicly. (Friends can DM me on Twitter or FB if they want more details.)

The one thing I will say is that one of my aunts is dying of cancer and will probably be gone by the end of the month. Her condition has deteriorated rapidly since they did a procedure to put radiation directly into her liver. And we found out last week that the cancer didn’t originate in the liver but in the pancreas. (That’s basically a death sentence.) So the procedure only weakened her and made her condition worse. I should add that this is the aunt who took us in for weeks after Hurricane Katrina — so there are lots of complicated memories and emotions tied up with thoughts of her. It still feels kind of unreal, probably since we haven’t seen her since Christmas. Dad went to see her a few weeks ago, but only he and his youngest sister went; my cousin felt like her mom wasn’t up to seeing many people, and she could only manage a very short visit (less than an hour). I’ve accepted that I won’t see her again, and I think I’m okay with that. I don’t know that I want to see her in her current condition, and I know we wouldn’t be able to have any conversation that would mean anything. I wish our last visit had gone better — I was too depressed to interact with her in any meaningful way — but she was a saint, so hopefully she understands.

I thought 2017 would be better than 2016. Clearly, I thought wrong.

 

 

Unwelcome news

the Tall Girl # #

My friend Christine died of leukemia on Monday. She had been undergoing treatment for several months, but all the news indicated that she was doing great.

She was one of the best people I’ve ever known, and she was far too young to die.

Icy delight

the Tall Girl #

So, it’s the summer of the great ALS ice bucket challenge, where normally sensible adults channel their inner children and have water thrown at them or poured on them or similar. Lots of my favorite actors have participated, and from those videos, a few have emerged that really made my day. (And no, the short list doesn’t include any of the likeliest suspects — namely Richard Armitage, Tom Hiddleston, and the delightfully inventive Benedict Cumberbatch. Their videos were well done, but I remain unpredictable as always.)

First up, Colin O’Donoghue: http://instagram.com/p/r9P1DMHoK9/ I think the fact that he clearly enjoyed doing it made this one stand out for me.

Next, James McAvoy, because I could listen to his Scottish accent all day long:

And finally, the Old Spice Guy, for the hilarity factor.

I think we have a winner, world. Let’s quit while we’re ahead.